Firstly, the foundation of marital life is based on compassion and mutual support, with neither party burdening the other beyond their capabilities. The man should only be demanded by what his capacity allows and what God has provided him with, and similarly, the woman should be only asked for what she is capable of and what God has destined for her. From what is evident through observation and insight into the circumstances of people, both in the past and present, it is clear that men are usually entrusted with demanding and laborious tasks. Man is the provider, protector, breadwinner, and caretaker. Conversely, a woman tends to her husband’s and children’s needs as per the capacity granted to her by God and according to societal norms of what is considered appropriate.
Secondly, there are matters in which Islamic law has provided definitive rulings, precluding personal interpretations (ijtihad). Conversely, there are areas where the application of personal reasoning (ijtihad) is permitted, taking into account the efforts of scholars, the needs of society, and the responsibilities of individuals. For instance, Islam has obligated a groom to provide a dowry (mahr) for his bride, yet it has not specified a fixed amount. Similarly, Islam has required a woman’s submission to her husband, but it has not prescribed a uniform manner for this submission. Instead, these matters are considered in the context of people’s circumstances, the variations of time, location, and nature of individuals.
Thirdly, asserting that a woman is not obliged to work within her husband’s household is a verbal presumption, especially in this era.
Moreover, even though there may have been differences in the rulings of early jurisprudence, people today should not differ on this matter, because this claim, in reality, can discourage men from marriage. Early jurisprudence addressed a time when there were maids and slaves who undertook household tasks with minimal expenses. It used to be common for people, even those of moderate means, to employ servants. However, with the grace of God, this practice has changed, as it degrades human dignity. Islam has contributed to eradicating such practices, abolishing slavery and any form of soul subjugation.
Fourthly: Evidence for the obligation of a woman’s work:
1. Allah the Almighty says: “{And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them.}” (Al-Baqarah, 2:228).
In this verse, Allah has mandated that a woman should give in return for what she takes. Each party defines what they need in exchange for what they provide. If his request is for his legitimate needs, her submission according to what is customary is obligatory. If his request is for his basic needs like food, drink, and cleanliness, she is obliged to perform these according to customary practices, just as it is obligatory for the husband to provide maintenance, housing, and support in return. This is an exchange of rights and responsibilities.
– His saying, the Almighty: “{But the men have a degree over them}” means that the husband has a position of authority over his wife. He directs her according to the purpose he intends. If he wants her for sex, she is for him. If he wants her for bearing children, she is for him. If he wants her for the needs of his household, she is for him.
I always say to my Muslim sisters: Marriage is a significant responsibility, as the Prophet linked it to a woman’s fate, stating that it leads either to paradise or to the fire. For those who cannot fulfill these rights, it is better for them to stay in their father’s house with honor and respect. If a woman chooses to marry, she is then obligated to obedience and submission in both what she likes and dislikes. Let us consider this hadith that reflects this meaning:
1. Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: “A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) with his daughter and said, ‘My daughter refuses to get married.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to her, ‘Obey your father.’ She replied, ‘By the One who sent you with the truth, I will not get married until you inform me of the rights of a husband over his wife.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘The rights of a husband over his wife are to the extent that if he has a wound and she licks it, or if his nostrils are filled with pus or blood, she swallows it, she will not fulfill his right.’ He said: She replied, “By the One who sent you with the truth, I will never get married.” He said: “Do not marry them except with their consent.” ” [Narrated by Al-Bayhaqi and An-Nasa’i].
This woman sensed the difficulty of the situation. How can the Prophet ask them to lick … and then they deny the duty of serving his food, drink, and maintaining the cleanliness of his house? How can what is disgusting be obligatory and what is possible be merely recommended?
2. In the Two Sahihs, it has narrated that Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) to complain about the blisters she got from grinding flour with a hand-mill and asked him for a servant to help her. She could not find the Prophet, so she conveyed her message to Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her). When the Prophet came, Aisha informed him. Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet came to us while we had already gone to our beds, and we stood up. He said, “Stay in your places,” and he sat down between us until I found the coolness of his feet on my abdomen. Then he said, “Shall I not guide you to something better than what you asked for? When you go to bed, say ‘SubhanAllah’ thirty-three times, ‘Alhamdulillah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu Akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better for you than having a servant.” Ali said, “I didn’t leave this supplication after that.” He was asked, “Not even on the night of the Battle of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of the Battle of Siffin.”
If it were obligatory for Ali to provide a servant for her, the Prophet’s command would have compelled him to do so. However, it is important to note that the Prophet is not allowed to delay conveying information when the need arises, as indicated by the verse: “{O Messenger, announce that which has been revealed to you from your Lord, and if you do not, then you have not conveyed His message.}” (Al-Ma’idah, 5:67).
3. The hadith about the division of responsibilities between Fatimah and Ali (may Allah be pleased with them both) includes:
– The Prophet (peace be upon him) arbitrated between Ali and Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them) when they both complained about the household chores. He ruled that Fatimah would handle the internal household chores, such as the tasks within the house, while Ali would take care of the external tasks.
This hadith is narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah and others.
Ibn Habib said: “The internal chores include kneading dough, cooking, arranging the bedding, sweeping the house, fetching water, and managing the entire household.”
Fatimah is the leader of the women of the people of Paradise, the honorable daughter of the honorable, the mother of the noble household of Prophethood, peace be upon them. So how could what is not obligatory for other women be incumbent upon her?!
4. Narrated by Abu Dawood through his chain of narrators, Ya’ish bin Takheefa bin Qais Al-Ghifari said: “My father was one of the companions of As-Saffah, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘Come with us to Aisha’s house.’ So, we went and said: ‘O Aisha, feed us.’ She brought some hashishah and we ate, then said: ‘O Aisha, feed us.’ She brought some haysah like a sandgrouse and we ate. Then said: ‘O Aisha, give us a drink.’ She brought a huge pot of milk, and we drank, then said: ‘O Aisha, give us a drink.’ She brought a small pot of milk, and we drank. Then he said: ‘If you want, you can Stay over, and if you want, you can go ahead to the mosque.’ He said: “While I was lying in the mosque half asleep on my stomach during the time of the pre-dawn prayer, suddenly a man came and moved me with his foot. He said: ‘Allah dislikes this way of lying down.’ He added: ‘I looked up and saw that it was the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).'”
This noble Prophet, who was most eager to adhere to the laws of Allah, was served by Aisha and she also served his companions although she held the closest place to his heart among all women.
5. Chapter in Al-Bukhari: The Woman’s Role in Serving and Assisting Men by Herse lf during Wedding Celebrations. this hadith is narrated as follows:
Sahl narrated: When Abu Usaid As-Sa’idi got married, he invited the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions, but no one provided them with food or bring it close to them except his wife, Umm Usaid. She placed some dates in a dish made from stone during the night. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) finished eating, she dissolved the dates for him and presented them to him as a drink, offering them to him as a gesture of hospitality.
So, if this is how a wife behaves on her wedding day, then what should we expect from her during other times?!
6. Indeed, the principle states: “What is commonly known is like a stipulation.” People have known for generations that women enter marriage for the purpose of fulfilling legitimate needs and for assisting men with their essential needs such as food, drink, and others, as well as the needs of their children. This has become a societal norm that has been passed down from one generation to another. If someone wishes to deviate from this customary practice, which takes on the legal status of a stipulation, she has the right to specify an alternative arrangement in the marriage contract.
However, if she does not specify otherwise, it becomes an obligation upon her according to Islamic law to serve and assist the man and fulfill his needs. If not, she should not marry in the first place, as I previously explained.
Therefore, it is not permissible for a woman to refuse to serve her husband except for excuses that are valid and acceptable according to Islamic law, such as illness, disability, or similar circumstances that justify her inability to fulfill those responsibilities.
And Allah knows best.
Fatwa by Dr. Khālid Naṣr